Introspection
by Red Lisbon
Summary: She may not make outright protests but we know that Lisbon isn't someone who just goes with the flow. This is a one-shot as to how I think Lisbon feels about Jane being back.


**Author's note: I did not know how I was going to feel with all the changes happening to the show. But so far so good, I would like to say that the writer's have done a pretty good job in making Jane's consulting gig with the FBI a bit more realistic than him getting a not guilty verdict in his trial. (I mean really representing yourself; no law degree and people let you off for murder?)**

He is back.

And apparently I am back with him too.

I would like to think that I had a choice in all of this. That me getting a job offer from the FBI was something I could say "no, thank you" to. But I wouldn't kid myself. I know for a fact that after my action packed life with the CBI, life as a small town police chief isn't for me. I don't like lying to myself during these bouts of introspection. But I will be damned if I will admit that to Jane. I will insist that it's a choice I chose to make, and not something I followed him into. Although the only reason I have to lie to him about wanting the job is because of my almost melt down on the plane. It was one of my weaker moments. I thought he was gone for good; that he left me **again**. Pestering me why I was giving him the cold shoulder was the final straw. What is with this man and his apparent lack of understanding of my feelings? He has so much insight for people he knows so little of but when it came to me it's like I had to spell everything out. So I gave him a piece of my mind. I don't care if the man beside me was listening.

I am fed up.

I was fed up.

Two years has taken it's toll on me. Receiving the occasional letter from him with sweet words on them made me miss him sure. But I was kind of resigned to the fact that letters was all I was going to have. I knew in time the letters will eventually stop. He will move on with life, and occupy it with other things friends, pets and maybe even a family.

On my front I was making progress too. I had finally managed to successfully tamp down the urge to hurl my stapler at my assistant for every tiny thing he does that ticks me off. I had a nice house in Washington, fully furnished with all my little comforts. I had been on a few dates, none of them panning out of course since the town wasn't really teeming with eligible bachelors. But I was moving on.

Then he comes back, starts throwing my life decisions at me. Making me want to strangle him and hug him alternately or maybe at the same time.

Something has changed though. He isn't quite as haunted as he used to be, he still has those pensive moments. But now he smiles a lot more. He smiles a lot more at me, **that** I have noticed. He lights up a bit when I see him, doesn't matter if it's for the first time since he came back or when I came to get him to help with that IT guys kidnapping. He is a bit more open with me. Although I am not sure if that's a good thing. If he opens up to me I will have no choice but be open with him, and that will lead to me getting my life turned upside down again by a blonde devil who can't seem to keep his smiles to himself.

I am startled from my reverie by the sound of my phone beeping. It's an official email from the FBI. I have 3 weeks to get my personal affairs in order back in Washington, and then I am expected to start working at the FBI with Patrick Jane.

Working with Patrick Jane as equals now, not me as his boss. This looks like it's going to be fun, I am not directly in charge of him so whatever he pulls doesn't reflect on me. (I hope).

I finish packing my bags and head out the motel room. I have a lot of unfinished business to take care of back in Washington. The sooner that is done the sooner I can get back to my unfinished Patrick Jane business.

I hop in the cab and tell the driver that I need to get to the airport. I stare out the window and remember the last time I saw Jane that faithful day two years ago.

I see his back as he runs to my car; I knew in my gut back then that I might not see him alive again. The sound of my breaking heart was drowned out by the sound of Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt bickering in the back seat. The waves of panic didn't pass until I heard my phone ringing in that clear plastic bag. Then after that I knew everything will be okay. I didn't have to hear Jane's voice mail to know he was fine and it was over. And the last 10 years of our lives together was over too.

As the taxi pulls up the curb of the airport I take out my wallet and pay the driver. The ritual of boarding the airplane takes up my thoughts and it isn't until I am settled in my seat that I ask myself why I do the things I do for Jane. As much as I would like to be honest with myself I know that I don't know the answer. I just have this fierce urge to protect him. I feel that with all the tragedy that has befallen him I will not stand by and have more happen to him. Even if it means I need to protect him from his own arrogance and stupidity.

The seatbelt light comes on and the plane starts rolling down the runway. This is going to be a long 3 weeks. I refuse to think about this anymore than necessary. I select a movie from the menu and play it. I bet a little "Die hard" will chase all the worries away. I am guaranteed Jane company for the next five years anyway, might as well take this opportunity to relish the peace and quiet. God knows when I am going to have that again. I find myself smiling as I watch a couple of cars explode in a car chase scene. Then I let it sink in, Patrick Jane is back... my life will never be the same again.

**The End**

**Please review I know it's all over the place, but what do we expect from someone who has had close encounters with Jane?**


End file.
